Do you like a laugh? Then read on.

As you may know, to mark the launch of the all-new Write Arm blog, we’re running a competition called #Subvertaslogan for the best comic variations of famous advertising slogans. It’s open to all and the one we like best will earn its creator a hundred smackers.

To get everyone in the mood, we ran a preliminary competition for the Write Arm team and, as Brucey might say, “Didn’t they do well!” We have been tittering to ourselves quietly – and sometimes loudly – ever since their entries began to roll in.

Food and drink featured heavily. Guy Clapperton provided the tasty three-course feast of Beanz Meanz Dyslexia, A Mars a day helps type two diabetes and Eurgh, Bisto, Tim Williamson served up Polo – The mint with the less fattening centre and Anchor (with apologies to Sky) – Believe in butter, while Laura Darling offered the scrumptiously clever Rillette. As pressed as ham can get.

There were a couple of lavatorial subversions of Nike’s famous slogan. James Tapper can expect a visit to the headmaster’s office for Ex-Lax – Just do it, while our glorious leader, John Ashton, looked rather flushed when delivering the gruesome variant for Andrex – Just Do Shit. And, speaking of Andrex, naughty old James borrowed its slogan for Durex Extra Large – Soft, strong and very long.

As you’d expect from a journalist, James was hot on issues of the day, giving us HMRC – Every little helps and (with apologies to MasterCard’s Priceless campaign) There are some elections money can’t buy. For everything else there’s the KGB.

And speaking of topical, there were a couple of Southern Railway entries, including Andy Hair’s Trainz Meanz Moanz and, with a contemporary take on the old British Rail favourite, Tim W’s We’re not getting there.
There was a smattering of musical contenders, the pick of which were James’s Jazz FM – Eight out of ten cats prefer it and Andy’s iTunes – Finger clickin’ good.

In the luxury goods sector Martyn Smith provided the as-cynical-as-it’s-witty DeBeers – A diamond is for leverage, while Tim Lawler was also on red hot form with You never actually own a Patek Philippe. You merely look after it for your executors to argue over, and its bleaker still variant You never actually own a Patek Philippe. You never actually own anything. We are but shadows and dust.

Andy cleaned up in the tech category, with IBM – I’m lovin’ I.T., Tinder (with apologies to HSBC) – The World’s Local Bonk, Hi Karate (with apologies to Apple) – Stink Different and Samsung Galaxy Note 7 (with apologies to Renault) – Va Va Boom!

In fact, the lad proved unstoppable, providing other such corkers as Pampers – Never knowingly undersoiled, Dignitas (with apologies to Red Bull) – It gives you wings and Tippex (with apologies to Typhoo) – You only get an ‘O’ with Typo.

Honourable mention should also go to Guy’s eight out of ten owners said their cats couldn’t actually speak, and Tim W’s Church of England – Thank God it’s Sunday and – Say it with showers.

But the winner, by the tiniest nadgers of a whisker (with apologies to Terry’s All Gold) is Emma Kilbey with her sublime and very retro See the face you love light up with Silk Cut Extra.

Think you can do better? Then we want to hear from you. Email your entries to or Tweet them using the hashtag #Subvertaslogan.

We’ll be announcing the winner sometime in May. We can’t wait to hear from you.

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